Siblings of Special Needs Children

Caring for the needs of both a typically developing child and a child with special needs may prove to be challenging, but having the knowledge and awareness of how to meet these needs can help lessen the burden. This section is intended to educate parents about some of the issues typically developing children face, and highlight issues for these children that, at times, go unnoticed.

Consider the following issues with respect to the sibling of a child with a chronic illness:

• specific language used when communicating to a typically developing child about their sibling with special needs
• the importance of regular healthcare for siblings
• consideration of the feelings a child may have towards his or her sibling with special needs
• the importance of devoting quality time to a typically developing child
• sibling-as-caregiver issues

Language: Words To Avoid
One of the realities of caring for a child with special needs is the cost associated with their healthcare. Financial difficulties may be an unavoidable reality, but it’s ideal to avoid telling a typically developing child you “can’t afford,” an activity or an outing, as those two little words could lead to resentfulness, even toward a sibling with special healthcare needs.

Another challenge parents face is the choice of language when denying the requests of their typically developing child when sibling-related health complications arise and take precedence. For instance, avoid telling a child “We can’t go to the park because it’s too difficult for your sister.” While this may be a legitimate reason for not going to park, it’s important not to place the blame on the child with special needs, as it could create sibling resentment. Furthermore, a typically developing child may give up on the possibility of participating in desired activities, and may feel that her needs and wishes are less important than those of a sibling with special needs.

Language: Simple but Accurate Terminology
Parents may have a difficult time explaining to a typically developing child, especially a young child, exactly what development disorder, terminal illness, or disease their sibling has. While a parent can explain the health issues to the child, it may be difficult for the child to fully understand the information you have given her. Simple yet accurate language should be used when explaining a diagnosis to your typically developing child. The use of simple language will give her a basic understanding of their sibling’s needs, allowing them to comfortably relate the health issues of their sibling in social situations.

Healthcare for Typically Developing Siblings
Ensuring proper healthcare for a child with special needs can be a full time job that often takes priority within a family. At times, the healthcare of typically developing siblings receives less attention. Ensuring that a typically developing child receives regular medical and dental care is essential to their health, and is the best way parents can keep track of both physical and mental development milestones.

Sibling Embarrassment
Parents may find it difficult to understand the embarrassment a typically developing child may feel towards their sibling with special needs. Children will be children, however, and it’s important to allow them time to work through their feelings. Parents can best help address this issue by showing patience, acknowledging siblings’ feelings, encouraging siblings to invite friends into the home when they feel ready to do so, and by simply going about their daily routine. Eventually, most typically developing siblings will realize that they are a part of an average family that happens to have more responsibilities than most.

An additional way to handle this rather sensitive issue is to ensure that your typically developing child has a safe place to discuss problems, relate moments of embarrassment, and be completely open with their feelings and thoughts without the fear of hurting the feelings of their parents or sibling with special needs. Support groups and ”Sibling Workshops” are great outlets for typically developing children, as they offer children a sense of normalcy and affirmation that they are not alone in having siblings with special needs.

Make Special Time for Typically Developing Siblings
Caring for a child with special needs demands an enormous amount of time and energy from parents. To a healthy sibling, it may feel like there isn’t any time left for him. Taking just a little bit of time out of the day to devote attention to a sibling allows them to feel special, too. Taking time to watch a movie, read a story, or simply ask about his day, activities, and interests shows him that you are as in invested his life as you are in the lives of his siblings.

Siblings as Caregivers
One of the most common mistakes parents make is allowing or encouraging their typically developing child to assume a major care-giving role for his or her sibling with special needs. Typically developing children often take on a care-giving role because they want be an active part of their sibling’s life and show that they are a committed member of the family. Not allowing a child to help in the care of their sibling with special needs can often feel just as unfair as pushing that care-giving role onto a sibling. Families should strive to establish a healthy balance between caring for children with and without special health needs. Siblings may be given some care- giving responsibility if desired, but it should be clear that this is the exception rather than the rule.

Siblings often realize that they may ultimately become responsible for the care of their sibling with special needs later in life. This may be an overwhelming issue for both parents and siblings. The key to working through this issue, as with most, is communication. In this particular instance, early communication is necessary. A sibling must understand that as an adult he or she may become the caregiver for their sibling with special needs. It must be emphasized that the decision to care for a sibling with special needs (and in what capacity) is theirs. Parents should make sure that their typically developing child understands all available options, such as living with a sibling with special needs, home health resources when available and appropriate, and alternative placement settings outside of the home.